I am a marathoner. It feels amazing.
I'm still processing a lot of the emotions and excitement of the day, and am a little in awe of this unbelievable accomplishment. I did it.
Thank you to everyone for all of your incredible support.
11.09.2011
11.03.2011
On Running a Marathon
In just about 72 hours, that's what I'll be doing. I'm ridiculously excited and after re-reading some of my older blog posts, have realized just how far I've come. Not just physically, but mentally - I have tackled so many things that scared me in the last five or so months, sometimes it's hard to believe. And I've been fortunate to have an unbelievable amount of support from family and friends throughout this process. Thinking back a year ago, or even six months ago, the challenge of running this thing was daunting and overwhelming! Running a marathon seemed like a crazy, impossible feat! And it is! But one of the downsides of all the months of hard work is the realization that your goal is attainable - barring any sort of catastrophe, it's going to happen. The transformation from taking on this enormous task and wondering how the heck you'll accomplishment to getting to the point where you can and will finish takes a huge amount of time and energy. And it seems just a little less special and amazing - if I can do it, what's stopping anyone else from doing it, too?
The answer to that is nothing. Anyone who wants to make the time and commitment to train for a marathon can run it. But making the sacrifices and pouring everything you can into the commitment to that goal - that is what makes it truly special. Knowing that you have had the courage to stand up to unknowns and pit yourself against each challenge that comes up along the way without a guaranteed outcome has chipped away at the impossibility at the task at front of you until all of a sudden, it looks reasonable. One of my first blog entries referenced a quote by Henry David Thoreau that said "if you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." I so vividly remember what compelled me to write that entry - I had just signed up with Team in Training to try to secure a marathon spot. I had built my castle in the air, and was giddy with excitement. Looking back, I think about each day that laid a foundation: each practice, whether it was in the 98 degree heat, the morning of a hurricane, in a torrential downpour, or the beginning of a freak October snowstorm, about all the aches and pains, and runs on sore and tired legs, all of the runs where I felt amazing, and all of the runs where I felt terrible or had to cut it short. I thought of the disappointment and frustration I felt at so many times. And I thought about how, each time, I got back up and faced my fears and frustrations, and what a scary, uncomfortable feeling that was. That's a bit how I feel now, the last few days leading up to race day. But I know I will be able to handle it - I know I can get through it. And I know that when I cross the finish line, I will have done so with courage of which I didn't realize I was capable, and resolve that I didn't know existed.
The answer to that is nothing. Anyone who wants to make the time and commitment to train for a marathon can run it. But making the sacrifices and pouring everything you can into the commitment to that goal - that is what makes it truly special. Knowing that you have had the courage to stand up to unknowns and pit yourself against each challenge that comes up along the way without a guaranteed outcome has chipped away at the impossibility at the task at front of you until all of a sudden, it looks reasonable. One of my first blog entries referenced a quote by Henry David Thoreau that said "if you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." I so vividly remember what compelled me to write that entry - I had just signed up with Team in Training to try to secure a marathon spot. I had built my castle in the air, and was giddy with excitement. Looking back, I think about each day that laid a foundation: each practice, whether it was in the 98 degree heat, the morning of a hurricane, in a torrential downpour, or the beginning of a freak October snowstorm, about all the aches and pains, and runs on sore and tired legs, all of the runs where I felt amazing, and all of the runs where I felt terrible or had to cut it short. I thought of the disappointment and frustration I felt at so many times. And I thought about how, each time, I got back up and faced my fears and frustrations, and what a scary, uncomfortable feeling that was. That's a bit how I feel now, the last few days leading up to race day. But I know I will be able to handle it - I know I can get through it. And I know that when I cross the finish line, I will have done so with courage of which I didn't realize I was capable, and resolve that I didn't know existed.
10.22.2011
The Final Countdown...!
In two weeks, I'll be going to bed, waking up the morning of November 6th, and running the NYC Marathon. In two short weeks, I'll be running my first marathon. It's hard to believe that it's so close. Training for this marathon has changed me in so many ways - I can't believe the person that ventured so timidly to the back of a group of runners in early June, the person who could barely run four miles, the person who dreaded each long run has become the person who got up and ran 20 miles with a smile on her face. I set out to train for a marathon, not knowing what was in store for me. What I found was confidence and determination from so deep in my gut I never knew it existed. I never realized I could be as strong as I have shown myself I can be, time and again. With every challenge I've faced, I haven't backed down. With every setback, I worked through it and came out mentally tougher. With every opportunity I had, I pushed myself to become a stronger version of myself. I sacrificed time, sleep, and eventually, coffee (...who gives up coffee in the middle of marathon training??!!) so that each week I could run purposefully, deliberately, and thoughtfully. And I loved every minute of it. I have been given a tremendous gift and I could not be more thankful for it. In two weeks, I will accomplish a goal I have had for nearly my whole life, a goal I never thought I would be able to meet. In two weeks, I will be a marathoner.
9.26.2011
What's a little friendly competition?
Not so friendly, it turns out, if it starts to get in the way of your goals. I'm a pretty competitive person. I knew I would have a tough time learning how to run without some sort of ultimate goal towards which I could work. I also really really don't like exercising unless there's a purpose to what I'm doing. Going out for a run "because it's good for me" has never really cut it. This past month has been a stressful one and as a result, I ended up sitting out most of the week with a nasty cold. I was feeling very frustrated about not being able to get my training in, and have had a handful of bad runs back to back to back. I felt discouraged, and really started getting down on myself. Did I think I could finish the marathon in under 6 hours? Did I think I can finish at all?
Sometimes it's good to remind ourselves that we are only human, and our goals are only markers to which we, as humans have given some sort of tangential significance. They're great to have if you need a target, but if they are holding you back and stressing you out where you feel trapped and paralyzed by the fear of not making them, what good do they do you? This was where I found myself the last few days; agonizing about everything that wasn't good enough.
Good enough for who?
Good enough to what?
Good enough to satisfy all of the nagging insecurities that plague us, as human beings, each day, and that push us to better ourselves in the innumerable ways possible? So that we can be perfect?
And what is good enough? That thought really hit me. I thought to myself, "if I could someday, maybe in a few years, run a marathon in under 5 hours, that'll be good enough. I'd be happy with that." Then it hit me what I was saying. I've been training for this marathon for four months, and I'm already setting up a cutoff for myself to define what's "good enough"? Part of my reason for signing up for this marathon with Team in Training was to establish a baseline level of fitness and proper form that I could use to maintain a level of activity for the rest of my life. I wanted to learn to run, and to run, walk, crawl, finish a marathon to show myself that I can do it - that I can be stronger than any negativity or any trap I might set out for myself. And I wanted to do that in tandem with raising money for a cause in which I believe in so strongly. And all of a sudden, I was telling myself that this wasn't good enough? That I shouldn't be happy to be where I am right now, because I can do better, and be better? That's crap, and I've been telling myself this crap for too many years now. It's time to stop. It's time for me to go out for a run just because it's good for me. I don't have to be fast. I'm not fast now, and regardless of whether I get faster in the future, it won't last forever. That doesn't mean I should stop doing something I enjoy - whether it's running or swimming, or any sort of exercise. Being a good runner will in no way improve my quality of life, but finding enjoyment out of the fitness that comes from regular exercise, and to a degree, the exercise itself, absolutely will.
I don't know what will happen on November 6th. But I know where I'll be: at the starting line of the New York City Marathon. And anything past that, I'm trying not to let into my head. As long as I finish, I'll be happy. Or as Edmund Hilary once said, "it's not the mountain we conquer but ourselves."
Sometimes it's good to remind ourselves that we are only human, and our goals are only markers to which we, as humans have given some sort of tangential significance. They're great to have if you need a target, but if they are holding you back and stressing you out where you feel trapped and paralyzed by the fear of not making them, what good do they do you? This was where I found myself the last few days; agonizing about everything that wasn't good enough.
Good enough for who?
Good enough to what?
Good enough to satisfy all of the nagging insecurities that plague us, as human beings, each day, and that push us to better ourselves in the innumerable ways possible? So that we can be perfect?
And what is good enough? That thought really hit me. I thought to myself, "if I could someday, maybe in a few years, run a marathon in under 5 hours, that'll be good enough. I'd be happy with that." Then it hit me what I was saying. I've been training for this marathon for four months, and I'm already setting up a cutoff for myself to define what's "good enough"? Part of my reason for signing up for this marathon with Team in Training was to establish a baseline level of fitness and proper form that I could use to maintain a level of activity for the rest of my life. I wanted to learn to run, and to run, walk, crawl, finish a marathon to show myself that I can do it - that I can be stronger than any negativity or any trap I might set out for myself. And I wanted to do that in tandem with raising money for a cause in which I believe in so strongly. And all of a sudden, I was telling myself that this wasn't good enough? That I shouldn't be happy to be where I am right now, because I can do better, and be better? That's crap, and I've been telling myself this crap for too many years now. It's time to stop. It's time for me to go out for a run just because it's good for me. I don't have to be fast. I'm not fast now, and regardless of whether I get faster in the future, it won't last forever. That doesn't mean I should stop doing something I enjoy - whether it's running or swimming, or any sort of exercise. Being a good runner will in no way improve my quality of life, but finding enjoyment out of the fitness that comes from regular exercise, and to a degree, the exercise itself, absolutely will.
I don't know what will happen on November 6th. But I know where I'll be: at the starting line of the New York City Marathon. And anything past that, I'm trying not to let into my head. As long as I finish, I'll be happy. Or as Edmund Hilary once said, "it's not the mountain we conquer but ourselves."
9.02.2011
Frustration and Motivation
I've been back in school for two weeks now, and it has completely thrown me off balance. I think my training has been the thing that has suffered the most from my lack of equilibrium, and I'm trying to keep myself positive and work through. I keep having to remind myself what I'm doing:
1) learning how to run properly so that it can be something I can do for the rest of my life
2) becoming less of a headcase and finding a balance in my life that involves exercise
3) becoming healthier
4) taking the time to work through some old cobwebs and cleaning them out, so to speak
5) running the NYC Marathon.
Doing this involves less of me beating myself up and more of me relaxing and taking things in life as they come. I'm noticing that my training has been pretty cyclical, and when I'm pushing through tougher parts of it, I tend to blog more, but that's what the blog is here for. I started out with a lot of fears and anxiety about my training, and wasn't terribly consistent. Then I hit my stride and began making significant mental and physical gains. Now I'm back to fear and inconsistency, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I've had a bumpy last few weeks - I had my 13 miler that went bust on the Brooklyn Bridge, then a 14 miler that I finished but was not particularly pretty (and took me a while to recover from), and then last weekend's pacing disaster. So it's little surprise to me that I've been a bit anxious for this weekend - at most, I'll end up doing 16 miles, but more than anything I want to be strong and consistent throughout my whole run. On reflection, though, I think that's the essence of training - forward progress, finding yourself in uncharted territory, overcoming fears and anxiety about said territory, and then making more forward progress. I will get back into balance, this is just another hill that will make me stronger.
1) learning how to run properly so that it can be something I can do for the rest of my life
2) becoming less of a headcase and finding a balance in my life that involves exercise
3) becoming healthier
4) taking the time to work through some old cobwebs and cleaning them out, so to speak
5) running the NYC Marathon.
Doing this involves less of me beating myself up and more of me relaxing and taking things in life as they come. I'm noticing that my training has been pretty cyclical, and when I'm pushing through tougher parts of it, I tend to blog more, but that's what the blog is here for. I started out with a lot of fears and anxiety about my training, and wasn't terribly consistent. Then I hit my stride and began making significant mental and physical gains. Now I'm back to fear and inconsistency, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I've had a bumpy last few weeks - I had my 13 miler that went bust on the Brooklyn Bridge, then a 14 miler that I finished but was not particularly pretty (and took me a while to recover from), and then last weekend's pacing disaster. So it's little surprise to me that I've been a bit anxious for this weekend - at most, I'll end up doing 16 miles, but more than anything I want to be strong and consistent throughout my whole run. On reflection, though, I think that's the essence of training - forward progress, finding yourself in uncharted territory, overcoming fears and anxiety about said territory, and then making more forward progress. I will get back into balance, this is just another hill that will make me stronger.
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